I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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