Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
