I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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