the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
