hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
