Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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