he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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