I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
