I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize