Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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