ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
