It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
