sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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