id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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