why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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