Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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