I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
