Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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