You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
