I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
