It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
