You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She even gives head with a lisp.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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