Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
