Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
