I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
