The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
