I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
