Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
