If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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