Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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