Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
