First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
