Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So. Much. Porn.
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