I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
