my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
