the condom got lost in my hair
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize