There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
