Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
