He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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