i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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