what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
