Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
