$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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