I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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