....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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