You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
