I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
