i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
