We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
