weddingsv make me drug and hornr
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
