If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
