the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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