you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
