But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize