Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
