areolas are like halos for boobs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
