I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
