Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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