jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
