Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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