so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
