the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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