i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
