Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize