dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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