i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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