U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
